TwoClose

My first child

2012-01-21T05:00:00.000-05:00

My first child was
my Boston Terrier
Rufus

I don't talk very much about him,
because since we've had the boys he's gone from child to dog
He took the transition very easily

He's a great dog
He use to be an apartment dog and now we live in a house
which he likes even more
He listens very well to comands
He tends to sleep a lot,
but plays hard when you're willing to play

If anyone is looking for a lap dog and great family friendly pet
I would definitely go with a Boston Terrier
He's very adorable and versitile

He likes to dress up

Nathan always shares his food with Rufus

Look at that face =]

He loves when the boys give him treats

We love you RuRu

Lovey

2012-01-20T13:51:00.003-05:00

One day last year my little sister came home with a present for my son from her vacation,
It was a large stuffed moose.
He has slept with, ate with, and been to the doctors with the Moose ever since.
It's his object of comfort and best friend.
He talks to him all of the time.
He is mighty large so sometimes he's like tagging along another child,
but he makes Colin happy and that's what's important
We love you Mr. Moosey Moose.

What is your child's lovey, or better yet what was yours'?

Grandparents

2012-01-18T20:20:00.002-05:00

Oh the joy of having grandparents...
This is my mom with my boys.
We are so lucky because
both of our parents love our kids so much
and would do anything to help us out with them.
We love you all =]

Happy not Birthday Colin...

2012-01-16T23:55:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I thought it would be a good idea to take the boys out to start trying to find things to make Colin's invitations for his birthday party and for his decorations as -of course- he wants dirt bike/snowmobile decorations and I haven't found any that I like...

Come to find out Colin wouldn't nap because he was excited for his birthday
He thought it was his actually birthday yesterday
So we HAD to have (a last minute store bought) cake, sing to him, and (blue) ice cream...

Thank goodness he didn't ask for presents LOL

Do you notice my new header and my amazing picture quality =]
Thanks hubby for my amazing Christmas gift
ESO DIGITAL CANNON BLAHH BLAHH BLAHH
I will figure out how to use it when it's not on auto... promise =]

Lately...

2012-01-16T17:48:00.003-05:00

Lately I have been having a hard time just being who I am...

I started to loose touch with myself when I had my boys.
When I decided to put my dreams on hold for them, and myself.
~~Sometimes~~ most of the time I find myself wondering if our situation is really what works for us. Am I the best possible mom that I can be when I'm home with my boys 24-7?

I know I'll never regret this, but I always feel like
I should be doing more with myself and for myself than I do.
I should finish my masters,
use my degrees.
Get out there and work full time.
I'm never happy with where I am in my life.
I work full time- I don't like it, it's too much time away
I work part time- I don't like it it's not enough money for bills

My life is my boys 24-7.
I work part-time evenings, or fill in at daycare with them there with me.
When I'm away from them I cannot think about anything but them,
what they're doing,
if they are okay.
What people think because they aren't with me.

I read something recently that in the United States
we are one of the only countries that frowns on getting help raising our children.
It is necessary for family or hired help for our sanity to accept it- the rest of the world does it.
I should accept it.
I do try to.
But, I cannot enjoy myself fully unless they are with me
and even then, if I need to get somethings accomplished,
I feel like I cannot enjoy 'myself'.

I have totally lost touch with who I use to be
and have a tough time accepting who I am.

I have been reading some helpself books and have been doing a lot of deep thought.
I want to focus more on who I am, not who should I be, will be, or was.
I want to focus more on who I want to be remembered as when I pass on than
I want to focus on my boys and NOT CARE what others think I am doing or not doing with myself.
I want to be more genuine.

I feel like in today's day with technology it is easier for us to get caught up in what others are doing with their lives and compare your life to them. I think it's also easier with technology to get caught up in what others think of us for what we are doing with our lives. The thing is they don't 'really' know what's going on with us. Just as we don't 'really' know what's going on with them. I say here's to being ourselves and not judging or letting others judge us.

Colin says and does the silliest things...

2012-01-15T14:45:00.000-05:00

Have you ever heard of KIDS SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS???

Well lately Colin has been saying and doing the silliest things,
which, of course, is always reminding me why I love him so much

For instance, the other day in the car Colin was singing to my mom and I,
we were trying to get him to sing Old MacDonald
My mom says to him 'Old MacDonald had a... What did he have Colin?'
What do you think Colin says?

'French Fries' Oh jeeze I about died laughing...
He didn't know why we were laughing so hard but it was hilarious.

Also a couple of days ago he had a couple of books under his arm
saying that he was going to bring his books to daycare with him.
I was so proud of him for thinking of that as a toy to bring along to daycare,
but you know why he wanted to bring them??
Not to read
NOPE for jumps for his dirtbikes-
he enjoys proping up his books and
making them into jumps for his dirtbikes and dirtbike guys.
Silly me for thinking he wanted to share them with his friends.

Oh Colin you truly do light up my world. Mommy loves you so much muah.

We're back =]

2011-12-13T13:48:00.001-05:00

Hello blogging world I know you've all really missed us.

My boys...My loves

this is the only decent picture we were able to get with SANTA

I have been soo busy getting ready for Christmas, having everyone over for Thanksgiving, and working full time to train for my job, that unfortunately blogging has been on the bottom of my to do list. I'm trying to amp it back up there, but it tends to be more of a 'pleasure' thing for me so those are usually the first to go when I get busy with everyday life.

smile

Working full time and being a mommy of two and attempting to still be a good wife is really hard work. I'm back to part time thank heaven because I've missed the blogging world and mostly my little men =]

When you work full time you have to preplan all of your meals, and shopping, make sure the kids are on a good routine with early bed times, really need your hubby's help, keep up on the house chores, and only get dinner, bath, and bed time with your kiddos. KUDOS to all of you working full time mommies I truely don't know how you do it. I know it helps with the money situation for us, but to me time with them is more important than material things.

When I work full time I feel bad for my dog because he's stuck in his cage all day with no one to play with, have less time to sleep, nap time = me time is out the window, worry about my kiddos and having them at daycare instead of home with me, hate not seeing them and knowing that someone else is getting that time with them, and I even start to think about getting the flu shot for them. I don't have time to switch out the kids toys, blog, check facebook 10 times a day, or work out-who am I kidding I still don't do that when I have time. I also don't want to go out and do anything without my kids because I've already been gone all day. Sorry hubby but we're staying in with the kids today and tomorrow and the day after.

Doesn't this smile melt your heart

I'm happy to be back into my blogging routine and to have the boys back into thiers =]

Cheers to the weekend

2011-11-11T08:00:00.000-05:00

This weekend the boys and I are going away without daddy

We're going to visit an old friend of mine nearly four hours away

Wish us luck =]

See y'all Monday

Great Grandparents

2011-11-10T18:55:00.001-05:00

Today we went for a drive with my Grandmother and Grandfather
-AKA the boys' Great Grama and Great Papa-
It wasn't the way I had planned on spending my day,
I had planned on popping by for a quick visit
then coming home to packing, cleaning, and laundry

But for the most part I'm happy that we'd spent our day with them
They're in their 70s,
I know that their time on this earth will not last forever
Which is why I try and soak up every moment I get to spend with them.

They are amazing.
They share their life long stories
Ones of childhood memories,
Ones of their trials and tribulations of being parents of eight,even
Ones where they've made it though ruff patches

I love seeing how they interact with each other
I love seeing how they light up and are still there for one another
I love seeing how they care so much for everyone
especially the great grand children

I have so many great memories of my grandparents
I am so lucky to have a close family we all live near by and
we're always here for one another
I pray that everyone's families could be like this
No one deserves anything less

I love you

2011-11-08T10:09:00.002-05:00

watching baby einstines

drinking his milk

This is Nathan watching TV this morning so I could take a quick shower w/o anyone pounding on the bathroom door. He's all snuggled up with his blanket and drinking his cuppy. I love him so much. Today while playing with me he hugged me said Love You... AGHH melt my heart. I love you too little man. You're awesome!!

Sharing

2011-11-07T14:26:00.001-05:00

Colin meeting Nathan for the first time

Last week we moved Nathan into Colin's room.
Annd they love sharing a room.
Colin ends up playing in Nathan's crib from time to time.
They're happy to have eachother in there
I was worried that Colin wouldn't want Nate in his room
but it went amazingly well

This means that Nathan is no longer in ours room
it's kinda sad for the last three years we've had a baby in their
either we were pregnant with one or one sleeping in there
it's hard to move on from that.

We no longer have babies in this house they're now toddlers
walking, (almost Nathan) talking toddlers
It makes me want another one- I'm not gonna lie.

Nathan

Colin

Museum fun --> Woddy

2011-11-02T18:02:00.001-04:00

Today we went to the local children's museum with our friends
Jess, Cruz, and Chase
We love going places with these friends
both of her boys are around the same ages as mine
and it's always a blast with them

At one point Colin was playing with one of those popper toys
(it was meant for the baby area)
he rolled it out in front of himself
and jumped onto the handle of it like it was a skateboard.
When I told him that we don't do that to that toy,
he gave me this look
and said 'Woody does it'
I didn't understand at first then it clicked.
There's a scence in ToyStory 3
where woody jumps on it and rides it.
What a smarty pants.

Makes you wonder what else they learn from TV
and in Colin's case YouTube (he loves the dirt bike videos)
They don't understand at this young
that what you see on TV isn't always possible
I must start doing more filtering LOL
We will still watch ToyStory though

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T14:44:00.000-04:00

Happy Halloween Everyone!!
I hope all the kiddos are safe, stay warm,
get lots of candy, and then brush their teeth.

We are going trick or treating at our mall
and visiting some family

They're still young and it's plenty of candy for them

It's getting chilly around here and
Colin's costume isn't exactly very warm
You'll be able to see pictures of those tomorrow

We started a new tradition this year of eating dinner
by our lit pumpkins after we carve them until Halloween
We're gonna have mummys for dinner tonight
AKA hot dogs wrapped in cressant rolls

Walking into the weekend

2011-10-28T17:23:00.000-04:00

Nathan has been doing great in his physical therapy
He is almost a walker he's been trying hard and
can consistently take 4 steps on his own =]
Until he gets tired
Video soon to come
Until then check out these little men dressed alike

Have a good weekend
We're going trick or treating
Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday
despite Nathan's ear infection being back.
I will be back with adorable costume pictures

Embrace the Camera

2011-10-27T13:45:00.005-04:00

After spending a lot of time yesterday
trying to find a picture of myself
that I liked
then never did I decided to start Embracing the camera

Love the camera

This way I'll get more pictures of me and my family or even just of myself
even if I'm not at my perfect body weight right now
So here I am new hair and all

Don't worry those are FAKE cobwebs in the background for Halloween of course

This is more like it

PS I'm just discovering Pintrest.com
you've all been raving about it
now that I've checked it out
it's all I've done for the past two days at nap time...
This site rocks LOL

Join us all for embrace the camera won't you =]

I've realized...

2011-10-26T13:10:00.000-04:00

'Keeping up with the Jones' is something that I do and I'm not to proud of.

I'm constantly sizing my self, my kids, my house, my dog, my car, or my possessions up to everyone else.

I look at other blogs and I think why isn't my house that clean,

why aren't my clothes that nice, or that name brand,

or I wish I had this or that.

But I have realized that being proud of what you have and what you do

is way more important than sizing yourself up.

I think that you can 'keep up with the Jones' by

having less than you think you need,

buying used,

using coupons,

and keeping what you have in good condition.

I'm not saying that I won't stop comparing myself with others,

that would be a lie,

I wish I could but it has been a big part of me for as long as I can remember

and I'm just starting to see it as a problem now.

It is one of my GREATEST FLAWS.

I can have nice outfits by putting clothes together well,

keeping what I have in good condition,

and buying things new items on sale and/or with a coupon.

It's not about where my clothes are from it's about my style and what fits it and me.

I've realized that I don't have to have a Mercedes to have a nice car.

I can drive my Subaru keep it clean,

keep up on the maintenance,

and be proud of it.

I've realized that my kids don't need all of the cute clothes that the stores have in their sizes.

They can have nice clothes that are on sale,

by using a coupon,

keeping what they have clean,

that there's just enough for them to get by with,

that might be used but in good condition.

I don't have to spend $50 on a winter jacket for my boys,

I can find a used one from Old Navy that's in great shape for $8.

(Yes I found two of these great finds)

I don't have to spend $100 on a kitchen set for them.

I can find one in great shape for $40.

No one else has to know that most of their toys are used

that I've bought at garage sales,

found on the side of the road for free,

that they are from consignment sales that I've volunteered at in order to

go to the pre-sale before everything has been picked over,

or they've gotten as presents.

They have three rooms of toys and the most expensive one we bought was $40.

My boys are happy when they get their new toys.

They are still young and they don't know any better.

I've realized that I am as good as the next person.

I don't have to put myself down.

That I'm the one who determines my own happiness and

other people's happiness does not determine mine.

I determine mine.

It doesn't take money to make me or my family happy,

it just takes a little time and effort.

It takes getting down on the floor and playing with the boys,

it takes snuggles,

it might even take some tickles.

Realizing these things have overall helped me to be better to myself,

my spouse, my children, my family, and my friends.

I've truly enjoyed all of the people

and experiences that God has brought to my life

especially recently to help me open my mind to these things.

My God is good =]

Where does time go?

2011-10-20T15:43:00.002-04:00

When did Colin go from this...

to this?

When did Nathan go from this...

to this?

When did my little boys go from this...

to this?

Time goes way to fast and these little men are going way too quickly.

I know it's good for them to grow up but

part of me just wants them to be really little again because

I don't feel like I thoroughly got to enjoy it.

I will enjoy these next few years with them

before they go off to school

AGHH slow down time please!!

I got it!!

2011-10-19T15:49:00.001-04:00

I got that part time secretary job and I'm so excited =]
This job might not be ideal for others seeing how I went to college and
have a boat load of debt to repay for my education but
it's a perfect job for my family

mmm soda (pics from the weekend)

Before I had these precious boys of mine I was a workaholic
I generally had more than one job at a time and was in school full time
I continued doing this after Colin was born and
Since have struggled with my idenity of what I am suppose to be doing
other than being a mom and house wife
I went to college for 7 years which equaled a lot of debt and
a lot of time working towards what I thought were my dreams

When we had these two little men enter our lives and everything changed
I went from working multiple jobs and going to college to working a part time job and going to college
When Colin was little and would cry and worry about him being in daycare,
I knew and loved his provider but I was worried and as mama's we do that a lot...
I would worry if he was getting enough attention, if he was crying too much,
if he was happy there, if he got along with the other kids,
if he was picking up his bad habits from other kids, or colds from them.
I just didn't know what I was getting myself into when I sent him to daycare...
Daycare works out great for other families but it just didn't' work for mine.

my race car driver =]

When I had Nathan I knew I wasn't going back to work,
the teaching field had little to offer
and my part time teaching job got handed to a seasoned veteran
on top of her course load.
It was disappointing when it happened
but I also knew it was gods way of letting me stay home with my little hams.
I stayed home with them all of last school year subbed a little and stayed home a lot

This summer I worked full time at daycare with them at my side with me
This was way more work than dropping them off and going to work.
I still had the same worries as I did before because they were at a daycare setting
I was trying all I could to put those worries aside while I was also trying to do work.
It didn't seem to work and I was very stressed out.

why are these pumpkins so heavy

I knew I needed something where we didn't have to pay for daycare
so it would have to be evening and I wanted a career type of job.
Well now I have it and I couldn't be more happy
This job will be perfect for the next few years.
I'll be able to bring the boys to and from nursery school, playgroups,
still mostly be at home but still make that income that I so desperately need

cheese Nate-'did someone say cheese mmm'

I don't mind putting my dreams aside and putting my boys first for now
Once they are both in regular full time school I will go for my dreams of being a teacher
If it doesn't work out I'll have this field to fall back into.

and train driver ok driver of all things =]

YAY FOR ME!!! Also thanks for your prayers because I do believe they worked!!

New job

2011-10-14T17:31:00.000-04:00

So this week I went for another one of those dreaded interviews...
It wasn't as bad because it wasn't for teaching so
I wasn't being drilled by the principal and three other teachers
I didn't have to 'pretend I was wearing a suit'
It was just me and one other lady
I came all prepared for the questions but she only asked me ONE
Why did I want to go from teaching to being a secretary?
I could have went on and on
but I gave her the evenings are easier for my family right now answer...
She gave me a tour and a copy of the training schedule
we talked about the boys and she sent me on my way
I thought for sure I shouldn't have brought up the boys but I did...
for the last two days my references have been getting phone calls...
I cannot say I got it but I do know they don't do that unless they're considering it
This job seems as though it will be a perfect balance for my family
It is evenings so that my husband can be home with the boys
it's part time but I think that's all I really need right now
Please pray for us that this works out...

I still want to be able to be with these hams most of the time =]

But I still want to get out of the house =]
Enjoy the weekend we're going to the pumpkin patch and six flags
See you Monday with some great pictures

Where have we been?

2011-10-13T10:22:00.000-04:00

Sorry I dropped off the blogging world for the last month +...

Our house has been really busy lately. All summer I worked full time at daycare with the boys there with me which equaled total craziness. I DO NOT know how mamas of two can work full time and still keep up with their babies. I use to be a big worker, but when you have two little ones it becomes a lot harder. It's hard for me to leave my boys with others everyday when I can be spending time with them.

Nate has been learning how to walk and is doing AMAZING with his physical therapy twice a week. I'm almost caught up on all my household duties that got neglected while I was at work all summer. And Colin is talking in full sentences, even though they're mostly about dirt bikes, helmets, and guys riding dirt bikes.

We've also been enjoying all fall has to offer of course...

Oh Irene...

2011-09-01T07:21:00.000-04:00

These are some of our pictures from our short vacation in Maine. We ended up cutting it short because of the Hurricane and me being the worried mom that I am. We're planning on going back in a few weeks to finish up the trip. It was fun while it lasted though. We went to the zoo, the beach, the boardwalk, eat candy, pizza, french fries, lobster, and crab. We had a blast even if it was cut short. Instead of coming home and sulking and going back to work we did other fun things though. We went to the local six flags and went on a lunch cruise up at the lake. All in all it was nice to have a vacation and it stinks to have to go back to work, but school starts in a few weeks then I'm done being full time at daycare.

MAMA wat me!!

2011-08-11T07:28:00.000-04:00

MAMA WAT ME!!

I'm watchin' Colly I'm watchin'

These are the words I have been hearing frequently lately

He can be tumbling

doing a flip over bars

anything daring

or twirling something on is finger-which he thinks is super cool.

It's just too cute.

This is really cute too...

Sick baby = mommy rant

2011-08-06T07:11:00.000-04:00

Last night as I laid my head down to sleep, I could hear a little raspy coughing noise coming from Nathan's crib. I start to worry. I hope that he doesn't have an ear infection. [Colin had multiple ear infections that wouldn't seem to go away and had to get tubes before he was two.] I hope he doesn't have bronchitus. [Which he had multiple times before he was a year old.] I know he doesn't mind the breathing treatments, but I hate for him to have to get them. I don't what him to have to get breathing treatments all throughout his life and I fear if he gets them a lot at this stage in his life he'll need them forever.

Then I start with the questioning... Why is he sick. What did I do wrong? Do I wash his hands often enough? I knew I should have Cloroxed his toys. If he only learned to crawl he wouldn't always be so close to the ground all of the time. Does he have bad allergies?

This time though the worry is even greater. We just got dropped from Medicaid and now we're in the process of getting Child Health Plus. In order to get Child Health Plus, you have to have a laps of insurance from your Medicaid. I knew this time was coming from the day I had him. Fred's work has crappy super expensive insurance that we cannot afford. We were not married when I was pregnant for Nathan so I easily qualified for Medicaid and because I had it while I was pregnant for Nathan he was covered by it for the first year of life. The insurance is great, don't get me wrong. Who wouldn't want free insurance with no co-pays? But this laps is so dumb. I know he's getting dropped from Medicaid because we over qualify for it. I know we qualify for Child Health Plus because Colin has it. I already know that you're going to tell me that our income is low enough for it. My question is why if you're telling me that we cannot afford Fred's regular insurance policy would the state think that we can afford a laps like this?

My baby is sick and I cannot even bring him to the doctor to make sure he is OK. I think that he has pink eye because his eyes are goobing all of the time for the last three days and have been gooped shut when he wakes up. Thank god my mom is a nurse and can check him out to see what she thinks is wrong with him. She can even get me a script if I really need one. All I can do besides that is love him up, give him some over the counter drugs, look up homeopathic remedies, and do extra hand washing.

Extra snuggle time, hugs, and kisses for you this week little man. Get well soon. Mama loves you =*

Help

2011-08-05T09:23:00.001-04:00

I'm sure you all know there's a new movie coming out called 'The Help'
annd that it's about a book, the previews have been all over the tee-vee
It's about black maids in the 1960s
It looked interesting so about two weeks ago I went out and bought the book
I read the whole book and I have to tell everyone that I highly recommend it

On another note Nathan pulled himself up on the couch today and cruised all over the place. He also walked his little hands over his feet when he was sitting and ended up on his belly and creeped over to me. He's getting so big and his physical therapy is doing so good for him. He's even been taking a few steps on his own here and there!! So proud of him.

Anyways get out there and get that book it's really good and books are always better than the movies are. Do you have any good books to recommend to me?

Wedding

2011-08-04T07:17:00.001-04:00

Last weekend we had my Cousin's wedding
It was a beautiful day and the venue was AMAZING

He's so pictures from the days leading up to and the beautiful day

Dearest Colin

2011-08-03T06:59:00.012-04:00

Dear Colin,

It seems like only yesterday you were a baby but,
You are such a big boy now,
You go to the bathroom on the big boy potty
pulling down your own pants,
not quite there on the pulling them up part yet, but we're working on it

You're learning how to be nice to your big brother and share
You're learning not to hit people for what you want,
but to use your big boy words with them and to tell mommy if they aren't listening to you

You use your own Ipod touch, because we don't want you playing with our Iphones,
and you don't need any help

You're obsessed currently with CYCLES aka dirt bikes
You play a game with them, watch the Xgames that I DVRed for you with them
annd play with your little guys with helmets and their dirt bikes
and you're still constantly excited about them
You're also obsessed with anything that's chocolate and you call it all
Chocolate milk

You want to be so much like your daddy it's ridiculous
When he's around it's like I'm not here and like I haven't just taken care of you all day
You know daddy carries his phone in his pocket, so you do the same with your Ipod
You go out in the garage every morning before we go to work to say hi to grampa
You usually go and jack-up a car with him because it's one of your favorite things to do
Every time I see you in the garage you get the biggest smile on your face
it's the only place I've seen you with such a big smile annd I wouldn't be surprised
if you worked in the garage like your daddy and grandpa do

You're learning about other people feelings, you know know what's funny
you laugh when others are laughing and you usually know why
and when someone's sad you want to give them a helping hug

I love you ever so much my Colly Jo

Love Always

MAMA

Cranky boy gets mama's love

2011-08-02T06:59:00.000-04:00

Yesterday while I was driving along to my mother's house
Nathan was getting pretty cranky because it was time for his nap
He kept crying and crying
Colin looked over at him and said "Stop crying Nate"
Something I say to Colin frequently when he is crying over nearly nothing
I told Colin that Nathan was just tired and needed his nap
Which he understood
While we were waiting in line for our food at McDonalds
(it's the only drive thru between here and my moms)
I made a suggestion to Colin that we should sing some songs to Nate
to help make him a happier boy
annd it work Nate stopped crying and Colin and I had a blast

Still later that evening when we left my mom's house
Nathan was tired for bed and once again,
started to get upset in the car
I turned around (it was before we left her house)
picked up a ball for him to play with
and when I looked up at him
he had a big tear running down his face
Aww how this makes my heart ache
How badly do I ever want to take away all of his
sadness that he'll ever have
I gave him the ball, wiped away his tear
and played with him for a few minutes
He cheered up and we rode our 10 minute ride home

The greatest love I've learned over the past couple of years is
the love I have for my little boys
I love my little men and would do anything in the world for them

I have a blast doing thing that I never thought I would
Like taking the boys to their group classes
Teaching them how to do things
Singing nursery rhymes with them
Playing with their toys
annd all of those hugs and kisses I get are a big plus

Becoming a mom

2011-07-28T07:12:00.000-04:00

Before I was a mom I thought the most important thing was
what I was wearing,
what my hair looked like,
and what others thought of me.
I had time to worry about what I eat, drank, and wore.

When you become a mom it's no longer about just you.
I find that most of the time I am more worried about
what my kids will wear for the day than what I'll wear.
Most of the time my hair is all messed up from Nathan pulling it
and I have food on my clothes from dirty food filled fingers touching me.
What they are eating rather than what I eat.
I use to never eat take out before I had the boys but now
it's so much more convenient instead of running in somewhere
to grab something with two little ones in tow.

I find myself thinking should he really eat
peanut butter and jelly again today?
- something I hardly ever eat before I had my kiddos.

I find myself loosing things all of the time because
I have to think for three people not just for one.
I find myself worrying if my kids are getting the
very best from me. If I'm being the best person and mom
that I can be. These are things I never real saw myself worrying
about before I had the boys. I now worry about new things
that I'm a mom than I ever did before I became one.
I wouldn't change it for the world.
Not for these little angels.

I love you boys =*
Love always MAMA

Family Vacation

2011-07-23T07:46:00.000-04:00

I am soo excited...

My husband finally booked a family vacation for us.
Where are we going?
Where the water is cold
There are light houses all over the place
Where there isn't really any commercialization
Where there's a large coast
Where my husband's family went every year

do you recognize this?

Do you recognize this?

You must recognize this

That's right MAINE

I cannot wait to take both of the boys to the ocean, show them the light houses,
let them eat salt water taffy, play in the little bowling alley, and most importantly
spend time together as a family =] It's not until the end of August, but I can brag for now, right?

Count your blessings

2011-07-20T22:03:00.000-04:00

I feel blessed to have two amazing boys
I feel blessed to have an amazing husband
I feel blessed to have been able to stay home with the boys this past year
I feel blessed for our very inexpensive home
I feel blessed for an amazingly well behaved dog
I feel blessed for a wonderful large family
I feel blessed for my growing love towards god
I feel blessed for my station wagon
I feel blessed for double strollers
I feel blessed for AC on days like today
I feel blessed for electricity and drinkable water
I feel blessed for happy babies
I feel blessed for my eyesight
I feel blessed for my current job- because the boys come to with me
I feel blessed for so many other things other than just these

What do you feel blessed for today?

Nathan's first party

2011-07-19T21:50:00.000-04:00

A few of Nathan's first birthday pictures...

Pirate Patch

My mother-in-law made this cake (Thanks)

mmm a straw cup

I rip off the paper then I eat it right mom

Playing with my friend in the shade


Yay a computer

It was a beautiful day for an outdoor party. I couldn't have asked for anything better. I love you Nathan and I cannot believe that you're already one.

Hold your kids tighter

2011-07-19T07:25:00.001-04:00

Last Wednesday we experienced a death in my family and it's quite a tragedy. She was only 19 had it all going for her brains, beauty, athletic, and direction. She made my wedding cake, it was delicious and she wanted to open her own bakery. She loved kids like no one else. She loved making blankets, cakes, and anything for everyone else. She was such a happy soul.

There was a house explosion due to a gas leak at her boyfriends house in Salem last Wednesday and unfortunately we lost Claire. It was so unexpected, so sudden, such a tragedy. I didn't get to know her enough. She didn't get to accomplish all of her dreams. She was an overachiever of sorts and I hope my boys can enjoy life like she did. It makes me enjoy every second of my life and of my boys lives because you never do know when it's going to be ripped from you and it can happen like that... So for now I hold my boys tighter and a little longer than usual.

RIP Claire We all love an miss you so.

Love and Marrage

2011-07-12T06:54:00.003-04:00

This weekend we went to a Yankee game, and no it wasn't the 3000 game it was the day after. Anywho it was a trip with Fred's (my husband) work and many of the guys from his work are getting divorced, just got divorced, or are remarried. It got me thinking about how a marriage works, why their relationships failed, and who it affects when it does fail.

I know it affects yourself. The one guy is just getting a divorce and he has lost a ton of weight, maybe from his 'wife' not cooking for him, or maybe from stress but he says that she's lost a lot too. It is very stressful, the money, the house, the cars- who it all goes to. Finding someone new and starting all over might look good at the time, but more than likely it's not always going to be better than your marriage you're in now.

Then it comes to the most important part, the KIDS-
I had to go through a divorce with my parents when I was growing up.
I had to go through the my parents dating when I was growing up
I had to go through the fighting the trying to get back together when I was growing up
Now I have to go through 2 Christmases
I have to go through not seeing my dad as much as I'd like, and still wishing they'd get back together so it would all be easier. I never want to put my children through a divorce. I feel like when you married someone it's for the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Now a days people are getting out when it gets hard. Loosing the sight of why they got together. Not reconnecting. Getting caught up with themselves and not thinking about their partners and kids. If you cheat on your husband you're cheating on your whole family. When you don't communicate with your husband you're not communicating with your whole family. I want my kids to be able to have the whole family together everyday.

I do not agree with everything my husband does and he doesn't agree with everything I do and say I'm sure. I'm not here to paint a perfect image of our marriage because one of those does not exist. Lately I have been realizing though that I cannot change the little quirks that my husband has that drive me crazy, but to embrace them. I realize how important it is to communicate, let him know when I need his help instead of loosing it because he isn't helping me when he doesn't know that I need it. I know that I want to be with my husband forever which is why I married him. Which is why I have had kids with him.

When it gets hard remember the good days and if you can't look through some photos. When it gets hard spend some individual time together remembering what you have in common and doing it together. Find time for each other. Don't let the little things bother you and always keep your husband as one of your top priorities. Remember that you do just as much as he does for your family. Thank him for what he does and love him like you always have.

I love you Freddy forever and always

Jess

*** Please note that this is real life advise. I am in no way an expert this is just what I have found useful in my marriage and I know it doesn't work for everyone. Also I know some of you may be thinking that I'm in no position to be giving marriage advise because I've only been married for less than a year, but my husband and I have actually been together for almost 10 years. I would have to say that I know a thing or two about the long term and ups and downs.***

Embrace the Camera (Thursday)

2011-07-07T07:27:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was this little man's first birthday and his first day of physical therapy.
All around it was a great day.
Our parents came over for cake
and he did a great job with the pt
I'm soo looking forward to really teaching him how to get around
He's soo adorable just look at those chompers =]
Looking forward to his pirate party on Saturday...(Pics to come)

Nathan's apt outcome

2011-07-05T21:41:00.000-04:00

So we had Nathan's initial appointment to figure out if he was going to need physical therapy. They came and he flew through most of the tests. He is very smart and scored above average in most areas besides his gross motor skills. He is going to be one tomorrow and he's not crawling or trying to walk on his own yet. They said that his gross motor skills are at the level of a six month old. This broke my heart.

I feel so bad for him. I truely hope it's nothing that I did that he is having trouble developing. I hope that I didn't have my babies too close, I hope I don't leave him out too much, or that I ate healthy enough when I was pregnant and nursing, I hope that when I jumped around trying to get him to come out on the fourth of July last year I didn't cause him physical harm. They say that usually when they see one disability there's another one that's underlying, but Nathan doesn't have one. I cannot help but to think that maybe they just can't tell that their might still be one. He's a happy baby, but as his mom I worry for him and about him.

For now I will just live in the moment and enjoy the special time and activities we get to do together now two times a week for up to an hour. Maybe it's god's way of reminding me that he's just as important because a lot of my time and energy is always going towards Colin and Nathan is frequently getting left out. I love him so much and I am so happy that we have been blessed with his happy little soul.

Happy First Birthday Nathan Gregory

Love Always,

Mommy

iPhone

2011-06-28T23:10:00.000-04:00

Sorry I have been missing,
but I am working all week at daycare
ALL SUMMER
AND I'm currently trying to get some sortof
routine down with the boys

ANNND
On Sunday after we went to church
and the boys had their naps
my husband and I went out
and each got the new iPhone 4.

I have always wanted an iTouch or an iPad
and I have to say that I love my iPhone
and I no longer need either of the other two.

It takes awesome pictures and videos.
It's user friendly.
I have all of my music on it already.
It has a great speaker,
and it has facetime so the boys can talk to daddy at work =]

I even got the white one soo happy =]
Muahh I love you APPLE

God and followers

2011-06-26T14:44:00.000-04:00

As of lately I have been trying to find a place for god in my life.

It started when I was having a bit of a rough time

trying to figure out what I was going to do...

go back to work or not, and what to do when I went back to work

. At the time I was also struggling with dealing with having two babies under two

. I started going to the church that Fred's-my husband's- mom goes to

I had gone one other time and was convinced it wasn't for me

I was brought up Catholic

going to this Christian church was a big shocker to me because

there was a band on stage,

two big screen tvs

the Pastor was in khakis

and a dress shirt.

When I went back during this tough time 'for another chance'

I ended up loving it

It really taught me a lot about letting go and letting god handle things

It taught me a lot about who Jesus is and why it's important to follow in his footprints

While I'm there-

I sing on the top of my lungs,

I pray,

I put the boys down into the nursery for an hour

and spend time just with the Pastor

the band

and the Lord.

It is just what I need to finish out an old week and to start a new.

It always seems as though the preachings speak directly

towards my weakly thoughts

I would love to find more time for God in my life

On another note I have my first follower...

Her name is Piril Maria
She is amazing her fiance lives in another country,
she is in graduate school
and has a great outlook on life
Go check her out at The Bookness she's basically awesome
and because I'm new at this blogging thing...
This really excited me to see and she even left a comment
which somehow I managed to erase UGHHHH
ohh well...
Thanks for following Piril so happy to 'meet' you...

MAMA GUILT

2011-06-24T15:03:00.001-04:00

Lately I have been having a lot of mama guilt,
you know the things that only moms can worry themselves over...

I feel guilty that Colin takes up so much of my time
being an active toddler that
I don't get enough time to spend with Nathan.

I feel guilty that
Colin is always trying to beat up his brother
and thinks it's funny

I feel guilty that I don't get to spend enough time
on the floor playing with my babies

I feel guilty that I don't contribute to the bills

I feel guilty that
my laundry goes undone for days on end
that my dishes aren't always done
that I don't cook all organic
that I bought reusable diapers and I don't use them...

As a mom we feel guilty for a lot of things, things that we cannot control. In our lives we just need to try and find a happy balance with what clutters our mind. Sometimes blogging about my worries or venting to a friend helps me to see that they are not that bad, that these things I worry about really shouldn't worry me... There are so many other things in the world that people worry about like where are they going to get their next meal or if they'll be able to get medical attention.... When I think about it like this it makes my worries vanish

In the words of Bob McFerrin Don't Worry Be Happy Now...
What are some of your worries??

Fun in the pool with the boys

2011-06-22T16:39:00.000-04:00

It's been beautiful the last few days and yesterday we spent it in my mom's pool =]

happy boys = happy mama

little tushy

Colin splashing us

the life

Now it's suppose to rain until Sunday.... Good thing we got outside and enjoyed the sunshine while we could

Concerns for my youngest

2011-06-21T10:10:00.000-04:00

Nathan is almost a year old. He still isn't really crawling or walking. It makes me soo nervous what if something is wrong with him. Did I do something to him that would make him such a 'lazy' baby?

watching the cars on the road

happy baby

Easy going

HI MOM

Dancing

He has an appointment with a specialist on next Friday to elvaluate him to see if he needs physical therapy. I wouldn't be soo worried if all of his peers weren't all trying to walk already and if his brother wasn't already crawling by now for months. Up until a few weeks ago he wasn't even pulling himself around on the floor or moving around in a walker. I will admit it is sorta nice to just set him down with a bunch of toys and know he'll still be there when I come back from chasing his crazy brother around, but I don't want him to be delayed. He still sits where ever I put him bc he doesn't know how to make his way to his belly but if I put him on his belly he will creep around for stuff and he will make the walker move and walk while holding my hands soo he is making some strides to catching up.... We'll see what the specialist says... But whatever god has given me I know it's for the best and that it's nothing that I cannot handle =]

Interviews

2011-06-20T09:46:00.000-04:00

And so they have started... Every year at around this time I start getting called for interviews for a teaching job. I have been doing this for the past three years and I cannot wait to have a job that I truly enjoy and never have to go to one of these dreaded job interviews again.

I will never forget the first job interview I ever went on I was soo nervous that I almost started to cry. I have been on many since and who would have known that I would have gotten a job there a few years later. I have learned a lot that I'd like to share with you...

Do...

wear something you're comfortable in. I'm not comfortable in suits so if I think I'll be needing one I just carry a suit coat of the same color as my bottoms this way I don't have to wear it and they can think I've just taken it off because I was hot.

bring a couple of copies of your resume with you so that you can give one to everyone at the interview

prep yourself with information before you go... I always check out their website and try to talk to someone if I know them within the school district

keep in mind it's not the end of the world if you don't get the job... god will give you what he thinks is right for you up until then think of it as practice

Don't...

Chew gum

let your mind wonder... they could ask you something at any time and you don't want to sit there and have to say could you please repeat that...

forget to ask question on anything you're not sure of... remember an interview is a two way street they want to get to know you and you want to get to know them

forget to send an thank you letter or e-mail

What have you found helpful at a job interview??

Happy Fathers Day

2011-06-19T16:08:00.000-04:00

To the most amazing father I've ever met... My Husband We love you very very much =]

Vacation

2011-06-15T21:04:00.000-04:00

Here are some pictures from our honeymoon... I am already missing the beautiful blue waters

Potty Training

2011-06-15T14:50:00.000-04:00

The last few days have been potty training boot camp for my ~~family~~ oldest son. He has been doing a fantastic job at it too. I have heard of mother's who say 'I just put underwear on her and told her wear to go to the bathroom and she just did it.' I feel like that's what has happened with my son...

If I look back at it, it has already been a long journey. I have tried doing the 'big boy undies' thing before and it didn't really work out for us. He would pee in them like every five minutes. Since he was about 19 months he has had his own potty. He would get lots of positive praise for going, but I never really expected much at that age, just for him to understand the concept. When he turned two we started giving him an M&M every time he went on the big boy potty. That worked great for a couple of days. I tried the putting a pull up on him and bringing him to the bathroom every 30 minutes to an hour for him to go pee. Some reason that wasn't as successful as I was hoping.

Then last Thursday we were at my moms and he had on his bathing suit with out a swimming diaper. He was just hanging out in it and told me when he had to go pee. I would remind him occasionally that he didn't have a diaper on so he needed to tell mommy when he had to go pee and he would. It was like a miracle!! I knew I didn't have to work much (I am working at a daycare that I bring my boys to with me) for the next few weeks so it would be a good time to focus on potty training...

The next morning I put him in big boy underwear and he's only had pooping accidents since, which from my readings most kids have. I could not be prouder of my big boy!! He even went to the bouncy houses yesterday with his bff Cruz and he had NO ACCIDENTS!!! I have been putting a diaper on him at nap and bed time, because I don't expect him to be dry at all times, but he has been dry at nap time and was dry this morning. I was always so skeptical when people said this had happened to them. I think it was all of the hype and work leading up to it that made it work for us... I am still prepared for accidents- extra extra clothes with me all of the time, but I'm not going to put him back in diapers because I know it will give him the wrong idea. I know if we just keep at it in about 6 months we'll be diaper free for him. (that's how long they say it takes from start to finish)

Rain and a craft fair

2011-06-12T15:59:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I went to a craft fair in the rain and after all of this really nice weather we've been having it was nice for a little bit of rain.

Larac is our big craft fair up here and I got a chance to go to it yesterday all by myself as the boys stayed home and napped with their daddy. It was soo nice!! It was raining, but I put on some flats, got out my umbrella, and got my little bag ready to go. I never go anywhere without one of the boys, my dog, or a friend, but yesterday I did and it was just what I needed. It was very nice just to spend that time alone. I got to spend as much time as I wanted in what ever vendor's booths I wanted, ran into a few people that I knew, got some cotton candy for Colin and I, bought an adorable wreath that's making me reconsider my house decor, and relaxed a lot!! It was great. I love everything about craft fairs- the food, the creative and artistic people, the atmosphere... What is one of your favorite things to do??

Also as you all see I'm starting to really get into this blog thing a new header and a finally got a picture of myself off to the side. I want to figure out a signature next!! Love you all thanks for reading about my amazing family...

What are you grateful for

2011-06-01T22:50:00.000-04:00

I am grateful for...


this

both of these

nights like these

AND

my dog who got off his leach today and was continuing about his business as if it didn't even happen
my husband who helps put the boys to bed every night no matter what else is going on
my boys whom will always love me no matter what
my little family which isn't perfect but is perfect for us
ant killing smoke bombs(enough said)
people at the store who let me check out even thought they had been closed for ten minutes
(thanks for waiting)
the United States of America
everyone who serves our country
my mommy even though everyday I find myself to be more and more like her even in my weakest
moments
not having to work full time since Colin was born
our living situation
my friends
and of course all of those silly materialistic things like my car, our house, my nice clothes, my bed...

What are you grateful for??

We are back

2011-05-31T22:20:00.000-04:00

We're back from our AMAZING cruise =]...

Both of my boys missed me and show me it in their own profound ways that only a mom can understand. Colin is throwing fits about everything and Nathan is being a cuddle bug...

When I got home I was even amazed at the amount of laundry and house work that needed to be done... The room in the boat was so small compared to my house and there wasn't two boys to clean up after... We didn't even have to make our bed or pick up our dishes from the tables we eat off of... What a big difference...Why couldn't the housekeeper come home with us??

The weather was AMAZING and the water was perfectly blue =] Couldn't have asked for anything more!! Tell you more about it soon... Off to catch up on that laundry

Kickin' it in the Caribbean

2011-05-14T01:10:00.000-04:00

In just a few hours my husband and I will finally be ~~jetting~~ busing off to the Eastern Caribbean.

Sure I cannot wait seeing how it is our honeymoon and it's 7 months late.

But I know I'm gonna miss my little men (who will be with thier well qualified grandmothers)

annnnd I will be hating my pump by the end of it all.

I know we need it and it will be all worth it...

PS We cut Colin's hair today with the buzzer it's super short not to sure what I think yet, maybe I'll post up a picture when we get back =]

Trials and Tribulations of nursing my boys

2011-05-10T15:41:00.000-04:00

***Caution- I'm not an expert and this post references my nipple many times*****

When I first had Colin I knew I wanted to breast feed, but for those of you who know me know I'm a take it or leave it kind of girl- those of you who don't here's a little background on what I mean by that- When I was pregnant with Colin most of the girls I was pregnant with had a birth plan in check, knew they were definitely going to breastfeed or not, knew where their baby was going to sleep, when they were going to sleep, what type of formula they were going to have, and even knew what time they were going to feed their babies- I know some pregnant people are neurotic. I was the type of person who was just going to go with the flow for my labor, if I needed drugs I'd get them (which I did for Colin), if nursing went well I'd do it (which it didn't, but I stuck to it), I'd go by how the baby felt as to when he was going to be held, napped, and fed. If the baby didn't like his bed I'd let him sleep where he was most comfortable (which ended up being in my bed). I didn't go with statistics, read up a bunch of background stuff, or take a whole butt load of classes to prepare. I just brought my motherly instincts along (which have yet to fail me) and went for the ride.

Sooo why did I stick with nursing if I wanted to take it or leave it? To this day I have not a clue because it was bad at first, really really bad. When I'd gotten home from the hospital my nipples were cracked, sore, bleeding- they gave me some crappy cream that didn't really work for anything besides them not sticking to my bra and ripping off every time I went to nurse him. I got to latch my little man on them every 2-3 hours, where the cracks and bleeding would only get worse.

I didn't feel like my milk was coming in or that I was doing any of it right. I got tons of help at the hospital where I was sure I should have taken a class. Colin ended up having Jaundice and getting readmitted into the hospital where they were formula feeding him after every time I nursed him to flush the bilirubin out of his system. My nipples were hurting me soo bad that I asked a lactation consultant to help me with my latch- thinking that had to be the problem- which it turned out I had flat nipples and the latch wasn't the problem after all. Colin started getting lazy while he was nursing because you have to work for breast milk and not for the formula He would just sleep on my boob and gulp down two ounces of formula afterwords.

After all of this pain and watching him enjoy the formula so much I was distraught. But, something made me not want to stop. Something made me want to go on. When we got back home from the hospital and his jaundice was all gone I was told to stop bottle feeding him and just nurse. Well my baby got so upset with me because my milk wasn't coming out fast enough that he was eating all the time around the clock. My niples looked like they were about to fall off (no joke), I wasn't making enough milk and when I was it was soaking my shirt because he was crying, and I screamed in pain everytime he latched on. I looked on the internet for answers and in the store.

I found Breast flow bottles which stimulate the let down- THANK GOD because I was using some crappy PLAYTEX VENTAIR bottles- DON'T EVER BUY THEM -they leaked from the tops and bottoms... I was about to call the assholes up that made them one night when I couldn't make a proper bottle with these brand new things!! These new bottles helped because Colin was able to latch onto the bottle and he had to wait a little bit for it to let down for him, just like on the boob.

I started to slowly cut back on how much formula he was getting a day instead of completely cutting it out, letting my boobs air dry with some of my milk instead of caking them on with creams, and started taking fenugreek to up my supply. Found out I use to have flat nipples which was why they were having such a hard time 'toughening up' aka becoming normal. But all in all my nipples were getting better, my supply was increasing, and Colin was becoming a happier baby. By the time he was four months old we had it all under control. My nipples were normal again (although no longer flat), my milk no long leaked all over the place, and he was a happy nursing baby. He nursed until he was nine months and I found out why my milk supply had been going down the drain- I was pregnant with a new baby =]. I decided to stop nursing him even though I really wanted to keep going and just try to make it up with the next one.

When Nathan came along I knew how to latch him on, how to burp him, and how frequently to feed him. I knew what bottles to use and not to use the creams. It went soo smooth at first, then came jaundice, clogged milk ducts and a really bad case of thrush- twice. After I pumped and stored for 48 hours and we were both properly treated for thrush -everything once again went great. I have been able to stay at home with him since he was born so I rarely give him formula- which I do instead of pumping because I'm a poor pumper- and he's soo happy to have me as his supply and not a bottle. I want to nurse him until he is at least 18 months a couple of times a day. Some people think I'm nuts for wanting to go for so long but I don't care!!

Overall I find that nursing is so much easier than getting up and making a bottle, you already have the amount you need ready, and warm. It changes consistency over time, and you get to bond with your baby. I think everyone should at least try it and see how they feel after they've done it a few times. It's soo good for your baby and you so why not =]

Cleaning with an active toddler

2011-05-10T14:49:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you, but when I clean my house, I find it very hard to do with a not so distracted toddler....

I remember the days of cleaning the house and it staying clean for a week or so. I only really needed to go through and clean it once a week. Now I find myself having to clean it twice or more a day.

Yesterday- after having worked all week last week-I had to clean my house or else I was pretty sure would never have clean laundry in my closet, clean dishes in my cupboards, a spot to walk in the playroom, or clean sheets to lay in ever again.

I started cleaning as soon as I got up- I did the laundry and dishes but I really started cleaning when the boys went down for nap (thank god for nap time). I was still cleaning when they got up 3 hours later- see told you it was bad. Thankfully I was almost done because once my two year old was up because he started taking things down from where I put them up. He put his toys back where they were when he went down for nap- in the middle of the living room floor.

When moments like these happen I only have a few choices. I can either include him in the cleaning- here put this up there, that over there, and this down here for mommy please and thank you-, find a toy to distract him with in the room I'm in, or put in an Einstein's episode. I usually don't like to use the TV as a babysitter or even TV at all, but sometimes it's necessary when I've run out the the first few options. How do you mommies distract your toddler when you're cleaning??

Finding a good daycare...

2011-04-20T07:44:00.000-04:00

When I was going back to work after I had Colin, I knew I needed to find a good daycare... Over the summer I was ever so lucky enough to have a cousin of mine watch him daily. She was AMAZING with him. She played every waking moment with him. Did what ever I asked her to do with him. Fed him what I asked her to feed him. Read to him on almost a daily basis. Constantly stimulated him. She came to my house. Had more pictures of him than I did. Knew exactly how to put him to sleep. She was ALWAYS 15 minutes early. Even though I worked in the morning she was more than willing to cover for me in the afternoon so I could clean, do running around,or have a date with the hubby. Sometimes I thought she was better at it than I was even though she was only 17 and I was 25. When summer was coming to a close I knew I was going to have to find someone new because she had to go back to high school and I needed to get back to teaching. This is when my appreciation for her grew even more.

I went to multiple daycares before I found just the right one. I went to ones where I didn't feel comfortable as soon as I got there. I went to ones where there were going to be between 4 to 6 different daycare providers in the room at different times during the day, all of which I didn't meet any of them. I went to ones where they wouldn't let me step foot into the room where my child was going to be all day. I went to one where they expected the kids to act perfectly all day. I found some daycares that charged up the wazoo. I tried one where my son, at 8 months old, didn't sleep all day. I went to one where the provider knew I was coming for this certain time and when I got there she was playing video games. I called some that didn't have any openings, then a few weeks later called me with an opening and when I told her I'd already found another daycare was very upset that I'd even do that... HELLO I DIDN'T EVEN SEE YOUR DAYCARE!!

It is soo tough to find the right one. You have to know what you are looking for and what is important for you, your family, and most importantly, your child. It is important that everyone feels comfortable with the choice you make for a daycare. I don't think that any daycare is perfect. It takes a long time to find the one you're going to like. Before you go, sit down and make a list of what is important and a list of questions. When you get there if you don't feel comfortable you can't expect your child to. Try a day out with the daycare- this way you can see how the provider works and if your child likes it or not.

I was lucky enough to have found my daycare when I did. It was weird because before I even talked to the provider, all i did was walk into the room, I just had this feeling of this is where I wanted my son to go. Before she even held him, I knew this was where I wanted my son to go. Before I did a test day I knew it was where I wanted him to go. The name said it all Kids Being Kids Daycare. (It's in Gansevoort NY if you're looking for a good daycare) The kids were running around, but seemed to be in control. The provider was so comfortable with them. The kids got out a bunch of blocks and even picked them all up on their own. She loved and cuddled them all like they were her own. She laughed and goofed with them. She let them be kids and didn't expect to much out of them. I even could see the love she had for her job. I remember her flawlessly potty training three kids at the same time. I also remember seeing all of the decorations and colorful walls and just feeling like this is where I want him to go.

When I tried a day, Colin took an amazing nap. Played with the other kids. Even eat a crap load of food. I knew he was loved and cuddled. I could text her whenever I wanted to check up on him. She filled out a sheet with his daily activities. The most important this was, I knew when I picked him up that this was where HE wanted to go.

I was thrilled once I found the right day care. I have been soo happy with the day care providers that I have found. I know some of my friends have gone though many different daycares but luckily I've had my two- my cousin and KBK- and that's all. Just take your time, see what fits for everyone, and make sure that it suits your needs. What have been your trial and tribulations of daycare...

Who am I

2011-04-07T17:00:00.000-04:00

Since I've had Nathan I feel like I have lost who I am well rather, who I was before I had the boys.


my little man =]

After I had Colin I went right back to work and kept trying to get a teaching job. I went right back to school to finnish up my Masters and continued on with my prior life. I got a teach job for the fall and was still in school. Sure I worried about him, hatted leaving him, and didn't want anyone else to ever hold him, but I felt like I'd had happy median of me in my life.

Then when spring came around and I was pregnant with Nathan I didn't go back to college and I never got a teaching job for the following school year. This is where my 'identity crisis' began...

With all of the budget cuts being done with schools and the higher need for technology in the classrooms it's really hard to find teaching jobs now. I know that the economy will come back around, but I have spent the better part of the last 5 years trying to become a teacher. I have gone into a lot of debt to go to just the right college to become a teacher. Now when it comes down to it, I might not be able to get a job for the next couple of years as a teacher. I decided to stay home with the boys for this year, but I feel like it's going to be forever, when every time I pick up the newspapers all I read are budget cuts and teachers jobs being cut, how when teachers are retiring their jobs are NOT getting replaced. Maybe I'll get a teaching job for next year, but if I don't does that mean I should turn to a different profession or should I finish getting my masters in something that I may not get a job in for a few years. Should I go back to waitress for some extra cash because we want to buy a house in a few years and I have to start paying back these crazy loans or should I just soke up this little time where I get to spend every waking moment with these little men and just enjoy it.

I know that I'm a mom, but what else am I? I use to be a waitress, a student, a teachers, and a friend. Now I find myself only being a mom- a worrying mom at that. I want to be by their sides at every moment, but at the same time I want to figure out who else I am.

Can I still be a student? I still substitute teach once a week, but I worry about my boys everymoment that I'm gone.

Can I still be a friend? When I hang out with my friends without my boys I worry about if they're okay and miss them, but not all of my friends have kids and it's nice to still get together with them without the boys from time to time.

Can I still be a waitress? It's a job I did for years and I'd love to do it somemore, but I just don't know that it's a practical mommy job. I guess I am still trying to figure out who I am. How did you find yourself after you had your kids...

Are my boys those boys with that mom or is it just another bad day...

2011-04-05T16:38:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, after many days of talking to my friends and feeling like they are always out accomplishing things while I sit here and take care of my boys I decided that we'd all venture out- almost forgetting why I don't do it anymore.

I ventured out to do my three returns at three different stores.

I first went to Walmart. I HATE WALMART even on a good day I NEVER go there. The 'low prices' aren't worth those who shop and work there. No one knew how to park. It was raining out and I had to park about a half a mile away, but I was going to do this. Even though both the boys almost fell asleep on our way there, I was going to do this.

There was a bicycle near the entrance that Colin wanted to ride and every time Colin cried out to ride it Nathan cried too in fear of Colin being upset and taking it out on him. They wouldn't even let me do my return. Then, Colin would not sit still in the cart so I let him get out and of course he ran away from me- while I tried not to panic as I couldn't find him I spotted him down the isle and scooped him up to go check out. Then he threw a hair pulling face pinching fit as we had to stand in line to check out for his new cup, his juice, and his milk.

Okay I can do this only two more stops I told me self as we all got back in the car and recomposed ourselves.

We went to Toys R Us- how bad could this be a toy store and as long as Colin was good I'd get him a toy. Colin threw a fit when we got there, on the pavement in the parking lot. I swore he was going to get run over. I also swore I must have the only child who throws a fit before they even enter the toy store. I returned my item and went to go see if there was another one, when there wasn't we made our way over to the bicycles and four wheelers where Colin became very upset that he couldn't ride one all the way home, mind you he has one of these at home. Nathan cried as Colin threw the fit, so I picked up Nate put Colin in the cart and carried on. Colin threw a fit in the cart the whole way out the store and didn't understand that he couldn't have M&Ms.

Feeling totally defeated I started to head home. I stopped and grabbed lunch knowing that Colin wouldn't survive if I had to make him lunch. I fed him some chicken nuggets and fries in the car, and then they both fell asleep. I did not want to get out of the car because I knew they wouldn't stay asleep. I had to though so I took a deep breath and go out.

When I tried to get them into the house they cried and threw yet more fits. I let them both have some lunch, but when it was time to put them down for a nap- usually right after lunch- my sister called, she needed a ride home from school, so I packed them up and headed out yet again.

This adventure wasn't quite as bad, but neither of them fell alseep this time. By the time we got home there was enough time for just short naps, dinner, and a little play time before bed.

When they were suppose to go down for bed they both threw fits yet again. Yesterday was a day where I felt like I was the worst mom and my kids were soo out of control. I wondered to myself over and over again what am I doing wrong. Why do my boys act this way. Colin use to be an angel what did I do to him by staying home and having another baby. I am SOO IN OVER MY HEAD!!!

Today could not have come at a better time because today was a perfect day!! Today I was reminded why I stay at home everyday with these little monsters and that while I'm here with them, I'm not doing nothing, I'm raising two very little boys. A day where they both played so well together I was almost speechless. A day where Colin did not hit his brother once. A day where Colin used the big boy potty and Nate didn't cry to be held every five minutes. A day where I did dishes after breakfast and cleaned the litter box. A day where I got to sit down and watch some TV as the boys played on the floor. A day where my house has stayed clean and both of the boys got proper naps. A day where I'm reminded why I wanted to be a mom in the first place, why I enjoy being a mom, and why I stay at home and have totally given up the life I led before the boys.

It's all for moments when I can joke around with them and they laugh their little giggles, where they play contently by themselves and include me in from time to time, and where I have nothing but love and happiness towards them.

Where there's nearly no frustrations or stress. I love when they look up at me and show me how much they love me with their little eyes. I love when they're content being them and I can still be some of me. I love these boys they are my world and my life and my joy. I love being a mommy to the two absolutely cutest little boys ever!!!

Bye Bye Pee Pee

2011-03-27T17:42:00.000-04:00

Today my son saw my dog doing something that he's always ~~doing~~ trying to do to the cat. I usually try to stop him when he's in the act, but this time my son was the first one to catch on. He was in the mist of getting dressed for the day when he says to me MAMA RURU CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK {that's his sound for a horse} I looked over and sure enough my dog was riding my cat like a horse- ohh boy. I started worrying right then that at the young age of two I might have to explain the birds and the bees. I made Rufus {our dog} stop and moved on to finish getting ready for the day. Colin then comes into the bathroom and has this concerned look on my face and says MAMA RURU PEE PEE. I looked just outside of the bathroom door and sure enough Rufus' pee pee was out, not to mention he was licking it. Oh boy with more of a concerned look Colin bends down to look at Rufus' Pee Pee as he licks it, dogs are soo gross!! As if this all isn't enough we get our coats on and head out the door- anytime we leave somewhere we say goodbye to everything as we drive away in the car. It's something that we started with him when he was little so he wouldn't throw a fit when we were leaving places, well wouldn't you know it Colin yells out BYE RURU BYE PEE PEE BYE ZOEY. It's a good thing we were by ourselves it tried to ignore the bye pee pee comment but it still makes me laugh. He is such a little smarty pants =]

{young and innocent Colin with Rufus}

Getting Milk

2011-03-19T10:42:00.000-04:00

It sounds simple enough... I need to get milk for my son, but when it's all that I need at the store I wonder if I want to go through it all. Do I really want to get my 8 month and 2 year old boys all bundled up, get myself together, and pack up a bag? Do I really want to drag them into the store, hope there isn't any melt downs just for this...

We've needed it for 2 days now annnd I'm still contemplating going and getting it today, I've just been giving him juice instead- I'm sure it won't hurt his teeth for just a couple of days right?? Maybe daddy will get it on his way home from work today...

Beautiful Day

2011-03-18T17:11:00.000-04:00

Today was such a beautiful day outside.After all of the cold weather days we've had this winter, finally today almost felt like summer. It was 62 degrees out.It was one of those days that motivates you to do everything you've been putting off. Like doing the laundry, dishes, and mopping...

The boys and I got outside for a walk and shopping at the outlets with our friends Jess, Cruz 2, and Chase 2 months. It was amazing. I love this weather and CANNOT WAIT for summer to come and spend a ton of time outside with my boys =]

Colin- when you were a baby...

2011-03-17T14:34:00.000-04:00

When you were a baby and you wanted a drink you always tried to help yourself to mama's boobies, then when you grew out of that you started bringing mama your cup and saying ssp ssp, and now that your two you open the fridge, get out what you want to drink and bring it to me with your cup in hand.

When you were a baby and you wanted attention you would cry, then you started crawling over to me and asking me to pick you up, and now that you're two you just start doing things your not suppose to to get mama's attention- i.e. when i found you opening the oven and I told you no and two seconds later you were playing with a lighter you got out of the drawer, and seriously not even a minute later started hitting your brother over the head.

When you were a baby and mama got you a snack it would be Gerber graduate puffs and you'd get soo excited to see the container, then you started liking fruit and feeding it to your self, and now that you're two I find you on top of the counter climbing into the cupboard to get out the Oreo cookies from the top shelf.

When you were a baby you always wet your diaper, then you found out about going on the big boy potty and would do it every once in a while, and now that your two you'll go if you want some M&Ms.

When you were a baby and we went anywhere you always wanted to be held by mama, then you started enjoying riding in your stroller, and now that you're two you want to walk and push the stroller instead.

When you were a baby and you would frustrate mama with all of your crying, then you started to frustrate her because you always wanted to play on your own, and now that you're two you frustrate mama because you always want mama to play with you.

When you were a baby I loved you with all of my heart, then I loved you more, and now that you're two I love you more than I ever have before. I know this love will keep growing for you Colin and you'll always be my pride and joy no matter if you're standing on the cupboard or laying down in my lap!!

Frustrated Mama

2011-03-14T15:38:00.000-04:00

When I was pregnant with Nathan I knew it was going to be a lot of work and really hard, at least that's what some people told me because I had them so close together, but I didn't think it was going to be this hard.

When I was pregnant with him, I pictured my boys playing together and Colin truly loving Nathan hugging him, playing with him, feeding him bottles, even showing him how to do things, but that's NOT how it turned out!!

At first Colin didn't want anything to do with his cute little brother. Now almost 9 months later, I find that all Colin wants to do is make the baby cry. When ever Colin gets up set he goes over and hurts-i.e. yells in his face, or pinches his nose, or even pulls the little hair that he has!! It seems as though Colin is saying I'm upset and you must be upset too.

I didn't picture the fighting between my boys to start until they were about 7 or 8 years old.

{cited}

What's a mama to do... I give him time out and make him apologize, sometimes he even gives himself time out right after he does it because he knows that's what's going to happen next. People say just stick to your guns, so that's what I'm going to do!! Any other advise from more experienced mothers out there?

First Post

2011-03-08T17:03:00.000-05:00

Apparently these are the only up to date picture I have of myself~ note to self I must update my pictures =]~ We are looking at fishes in an aquarium hence my fishy face... Those are my boys Colin and Nathan. They are my world, they are 16 months apart and can drive me absolutely crazy, especially my two year old, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

This is Colin, he just turned two and that is his sweet new guitar he got for his birthday. Yes- my husband thinks that a two year old must have his own guitar. he is the light of my life! The moment I had him I was in total love!! he can be the craziest little monster out there because he wants to do everything for himself~ he gets food out of the fridge and stands on the cupboards, he beats up his little brother, doesn't like to stay in his own bed, and only listens when I speak about half of the time.

he loves helping me cook and clean, dancing in the kitchen, eating candy, fruit, and ice cream, playing his guitar with daddy and with his toy trains, making others laugh, and occasionally cuddling.

This is Nathan and he is 8 months old. he loves being held by mama, still nurses, and laughs at everything. he is currently getting his two upper teeth before he gets his lower ones, all backwards just like his mama. This has made him a bit cranky, but up until now has been a picture perfect baby!!

This is me and my husband- Fred!! We have been together for 9 years. We didn't get married until after we had our boys, don't really think about doing things until its probably too late, love our little family, and like our life just the way it is. This is my blog about our lives and I hope you enjoy reading it =]